Our daughter comes home for dinner every Sunday. We were talking tonight about the “Midwestern goodbye”. She had it mastered in her early twenties. I have always enjoyed watching guests drive away rather than close the door before they’ve left the driveway. It feels more intimate and respectful.
When my parents, brother and I would drive away from my grandparents’ house in Lakeway,TX, my grandpa would stand outside and wave till we were out of sight, his face etched with emotion, anguish in his eyes and tears streaming down his face.. it was such a full-blown indication of love, pretty hard to forget for a kid – and also seemed to illuminate something mysterious about aging and life experience that I couldn’t quite put my finger on, but felt it anyway.
All of this sort of ironic because he fought in World War II, and had a friend up the road who was in the Bataan Death March — obviously strong feelings there about the Japanese. Yet, as this demonstrates – so much commonality and shared basic human emotion.
What a beautiful memory of your grandpa, and I can understand how it made a powerful impression on you. Especially from a man of his generation. Reflecting on the dynamics of goodbye rituals is really making me think about that truism: actions speak louder than words.
Found online—“ According to a study by the UNSW's Time Management Institute, leaving a party without saying goodbye can save up to two days of your life per year. The study also found that:
Saying goodbye at a party can take up to 45 minutes
The average person goes to around 25 parties per year
This means that people can spend an average of 18 hours and 45 minutes each year saying goodbye”
Oh wow, that's hilarious. I'll admit I'm not unfamiliar with the 'Irish goodbye'. A 45 minute goodbye is too much. But a five minute waving and bowing pas de deux is lovely.
"A group of friends or colleagues or members of a school club performing a prolonged farewell, slowly tearing themselves away from each other -- waving and bowing while walking backwards"... and possibly obstructing other people's path or bumping into perfect strangers.
In Japan, I often wonder at how oblivious of their surroundings people can be.
Our daughter comes home for dinner every Sunday. We were talking tonight about the “Midwestern goodbye”. She had it mastered in her early twenties. I have always enjoyed watching guests drive away rather than close the door before they’ve left the driveway. It feels more intimate and respectful.
I love that. I'm sure your guests can feel the intimacy and respect, too.
When my parents, brother and I would drive away from my grandparents’ house in Lakeway,TX, my grandpa would stand outside and wave till we were out of sight, his face etched with emotion, anguish in his eyes and tears streaming down his face.. it was such a full-blown indication of love, pretty hard to forget for a kid – and also seemed to illuminate something mysterious about aging and life experience that I couldn’t quite put my finger on, but felt it anyway.
All of this sort of ironic because he fought in World War II, and had a friend up the road who was in the Bataan Death March — obviously strong feelings there about the Japanese. Yet, as this demonstrates – so much commonality and shared basic human emotion.
What a beautiful memory of your grandpa, and I can understand how it made a powerful impression on you. Especially from a man of his generation. Reflecting on the dynamics of goodbye rituals is really making me think about that truism: actions speak louder than words.
I love your pieces!!! Wonderful, wonderful wonderful.
Thank you and thanks for reading!
And of course there is Irish goodbye…
Found online—“ According to a study by the UNSW's Time Management Institute, leaving a party without saying goodbye can save up to two days of your life per year. The study also found that:
Saying goodbye at a party can take up to 45 minutes
The average person goes to around 25 parties per year
This means that people can spend an average of 18 hours and 45 minutes each year saying goodbye”
Oh wow, that's hilarious. I'll admit I'm not unfamiliar with the 'Irish goodbye'. A 45 minute goodbye is too much. But a five minute waving and bowing pas de deux is lovely.
"A group of friends or colleagues or members of a school club performing a prolonged farewell, slowly tearing themselves away from each other -- waving and bowing while walking backwards"... and possibly obstructing other people's path or bumping into perfect strangers.
In Japan, I often wonder at how oblivious of their surroundings people can be.